sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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