so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
