You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
