Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
