dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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