She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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