oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
