There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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