Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
