Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
