alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
