Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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