I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dignity is for republicans.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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