I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
