piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
