There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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