Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize