never play flip cup with pint glasses
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
