I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So many bounce houses so little time
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
