Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
