its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
