So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
