Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
