Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
