I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
