I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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