i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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