Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
