Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
