Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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