did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
