Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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