Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
