is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize