omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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