There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
