you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize