im drinking this country out of the recession.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
50% drunk capacity currently
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
