Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
