I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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