Apparently you make a good broom.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
