Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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