Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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