I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
