She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
