I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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