Plan B is the new Plan A
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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