Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
