i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
