I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
