I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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