get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Come share oat with me in your robe
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize