Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
