I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
