I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
