in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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