How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want nice things and good sex
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
