the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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