I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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