OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
