I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
