Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
