The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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