she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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