My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
