i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
