so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
