You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
