the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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