remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
