Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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