i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
