Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
