I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize