Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize