you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
