is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
