i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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