Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
