We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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