She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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