I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
