Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
