No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
