it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
