I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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