i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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