Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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