Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
