I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
