I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize