It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
