her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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