alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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