He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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