just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
