I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
