ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
