I hate your face
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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