"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
