if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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