life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
