Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
