So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
