Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
