Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
never play flip cup with pint glasses
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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