Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
