In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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