I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
